If only I had a couple more inches and other complaints of a 30 something dad

by beagooddad on December 11, 2008

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Serious confession time. Being a guy is hard sometimes. These days, I’m learning that I need just a couple more inches for real happiness. Surely, I’m not the only person who feels this way. I’m thinking about giving this product a try that promises to give me a few more inches to work with. See how happy that lady looks?

While I’m on the topic of complaining, I found a new beef the other day. We were at a gas station that is trying to sell the deli food and give people tables to eat food at and find other ways to encourage people to actually walk into the building rather than just paying at the pump. Actually, I was pumping gas while BAGM took the kids in for potty break and to hunt for snacks. After getting the gas, I walked in and saw her changing Giggles on one of those tables. Apparently they don’t have changing tables in the women’s bathroom despite having space for one. Please let’s remember that the way to fix the gender equality problem is not to remove the changing tables from the women’s bathrooms but instead to add them in the men’s bathrooms. Otherwise your just going to end up with dirty butts on the tables where people are expecting to eat, an angry mom telling you that you should wash the table because she just changed a diaper on it, and you standing around looking at the tables trying to figure out which one it was that you were supposed to actually wash. For the record, she didn’t get the right one. You might not want to eat at any of those tables for a while.

On Tuesday, I took all three kids to Pizza Hut and Ikea for a Christmas shopping night. The kids had free personal pan pizza certificates for completing their monthly reading programs at school. So, Pizza Hut has decided to partner with grade schools, a place where children frequently hang out, in order to encourage those kids to read more. Great. So we show up with two 5 year-olds and a 1 year-old, order 3 personal pan pizzas and a medium for me (and leftovers that will most likely end up left in the car instead of making their way into my future lunch). I then ask for 3 white milks for the kids and a glass of water for me. They say that they don’t have milk but that they do have lemonade. Excuse me? Isn’t that like saying that ketchup is a vegetable. How many 1 year-olds drink lemonade? How many 5 year-olds for that matter? Anyway, if you are going to try to brand yourself as a kid friendly restaurant, you might want to think about ordering some milk or just keeping a cow tied up out back.

Finally, all of you people that are shocked that their is snow on the ground. Please remember that if you hit the accelerator when the light turns green and your tires start spinning but your car isn’t moving, the solution is not to press the accelerator harder. Get your foot off the gas and accelerate very slowly so that your tires have some hope of sticking. I watched some lady driving a minivan a couple lanes over from my minivan. Her tires just kept spinning and spinning about about 40 mph while she inched forward at maybe 1 mph. Then suddenly, her tires stuck on the ground for a second and she swerved a little to the right and rocketed forward and almost ran into the car in the next lane.

Have a nice day.

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