Confessions of a Parent

  • I like fruit snacks and grilled cheese crusts.
  • I secretly compare my kids’ height, weight, cuteness, social skills, and behavior to every other kids I meet.
  • I give the kids bananas with brown spots, because I won’t eat them once they look like that.
  • I have silently screamed “Shut Up!” in my head, in response to a kid’s crying jag.
  • I have sniffed bed sheets, to see if they can go one more night.
  • I have tasted children’s cold medicine and there’s no way you could get me to drink it.
  • I have put the kids to bed and then went right down stairs for a bowl of ice cream.
  • I like the music on Veggie Tales.
  • I eat my after-work snack in the pantry to avoid having to share.
  • I have skipped to the head of a bathroom line because of my potty-training 3year old, and then went myself too.
  • I have snuck entire Happy Meals and bags of air-popped popcorn into the movie theater in my diaper bag.
  • I have taken the day off of work, but not told the babysitter, and spent the day shopping.
  • I have walked out on a poopy diaper, pretenting I did not notice, leaving it for the Mamaw to change.