Everyday when Geetle gets home from school, we ask her what happened. The most complete answers we usually get are “Nothing” or “I don’t know.”
She’s not too hard of a nut to crack, though. One of these 5 tricks normally gets her to open up.
5 says to get your kid to talk about school
- Yes or No questions. Stuff like, was your best friend there today? Did you go outside today? A lot of times they will just answer with a simple yes or no but if it was entertaining or horrible they will start talking.
- Ask about things that you know happen every day. For Geetle and Pookie this includes, what did you have for snack and what was your job today?
- Ask if their friend/enemy was at school. If their best friend or enemy was at school, then there is probably a story about them waiting to be told.
- Look in their book bag. You will find letters from the teacher, class projects, homework, and stuff your kid found on the playground. Grab any of it and start asking questions about what it is?
- Be shocked/amazed/horrified with them. Don’t just sit there and say “Mmm hmm” every once in a while. Get involved with the conversation. Act like you care about what happened while your kid was in school.
The yes/no questions are good for getting things warmed up, but move past them as quickly as possible. Focus on asking open ended questions that need longer answers and make sure that you do not lead them so much that you answer your own questions. Also, really listen for the things that excite them; both good and bad. They will want to talk about these things and you can learn a lot about your kid and what is going on at school by listening.
Be willing to wait for the conversation to start. I know I don’t like to think about work right after I’m done. If your kid really doesn’t seem interested in talking about the day, wait until later. Dinner time is normally good.
Like most things in life, the earlier in life you start, the better. If your preschooler is used to chatting about school, I would be willing to bet that they will be more likely to still talk about school when they are in junior high.
Do you have any tricks of your own that you use?
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What a wonderful site! The title alone made me smile, that is great.
I like your “be shocked” tip best. I find that when I show my absolute outrage over something my daughter is equally outraged about — some one name-calling, talking back to the teacher — she really opens up after that.
It works great at 7, I only pray it works as well at 17.
The trick I use most often with my language-impaired kids is to have them tell me three things that happened. Keeping things specific instead of open-ended seems to help them find something to say.
I’ve also tried asking how school felt instead of what happened — something suggested in the book The Pressured Child — but at least one time my daughter just burst into tears. A little hard on my heart, that is.
Great ideas! My favorite thing to ask the kids is what’s the latest gossip. Of course, the 8 year old girl has much better dirt than the 10 year old boy, but between the two of them, I usually can get a good idea as to what is going on.
The other thing is that I am friend’s with many of their friends moms. We compare notes and my kids think I have some secret insight in to what goes on at school.
I liked your article and I’m sure it will help me a lot. I have two sons, one is a highly communicative five year old and today was his first day of kindergarten. I was hoping for him to tell me all about seeing his friends that he hadn’t seen all summer (he went to a different summer camp), and all I got was “I played”. I tried all sorts of clever ways to get him to chat about things, but to no avail. I’ll try some of your tips – the dinner time talks and the prompting with yes and no questions to get him to open up. Maybe something bad happened and he didn’t want to talk about it, either way – I respect him and his chatty conversations about Superman, or his reserved silence about his day. Even at 5 – he is so smart, and can smell BS from a mile away.
I was also very interested to read the teen’s comments about communication with her parents and your article. I liked some of what she had to say as well… Still, one shouldn’t be faulted for turning to the internet, or any other medium, to get ideas on how to better communicate with their children.
Teen angst, what a wonderfully powerful and (thank God) temporary thing.
Thanks again for the article – very helpful.
Tracy