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People often seem amazed at the challenges of raising twins. Even parents with more kids then me mention it. How bizarre to think that people could imagine that raising four kids is more difficult in any way shape or form than raising twins. Ludicrous.
I will even go on record as saying that raising twins has to be easier than raising a mere two kids that are different ages. Don’t believe me. Well, read on.
- Sharing food. Babies start off eating very small portions. Much smaller than one little baby food jar. Instead of throwing the leftovers away or trying to store them, parents of twins make them share a jar. Once they are big enough to eat more than a jar, it is easy to open 3 jars, feed both kids from each jar, and get a well rounded diet at every meal.
- 1 bath/1 bedtime. With kids, bath and bedtime seems to take up most of their waking moments. With twins, they can easily share a tub which, let’s face it, helps save the planet by conserving water and saves time. They also can share a bedtime. Our kids sleep in the same room. We waddle in there and start the routine of shoving both feet into one leg hole while putting on pants and getting their arms stuck above their heads while putting on their shirts. Then, and here is the real magic. We have one story time. All the quality time you can imagine with half the ticks on the clock. There is no putting somebody to bed at 7 and then somebody else at 8. Everybody is on the same schedule.
- Sharing toys. Since they are the same age, you do not have to worry about somebody’s favorite Legos being the choking hazard of Junior. You just need one big pile of age appropriate toys. How much easier could it get?
- Same childproofing. Remember toilet locks. They made you feel good while your first child was wandering around the bathroom in her diaper. Then Junior came. But, Senior needed to start peeing in the big potty. Do you take off the toilet lock and risk drowing Junior or personally escort Senior to the bathroom every time? Worry no more if you have twins. If one is safe for the toilet lock, the other is, too. After all they are only 16 minutes apart.
- Same videos/movies. Tired of fighting over whether to watch Baby Einstein or Spongebob Squarepants. I feel bad for you. You should have had twins. They may have their favorites, but twins at least like the same developmental stage of videos. And never again worry about trying to find a movie at the theater that will be appropriate for all of the children.
- DISCOUNTS. Some stores feel sorry for us parents of multiples. To help ease our “burden,” they offer us DISCOUNTS. That’s right. When we bought our cribs at Burlington Coat Factory we paid 20% less on the second crib. They call it the Twin Discount. Suckers.
- Same phases. Remember when the terrible twos ended. You finally got Senior to quit freaking out every time you left Toys R Us without a teddy bear. Be careful. Don’t let down your guard. Junior is about to enter that phase. The tantrums for twins are not any worse then singletons. It is very rare that both throw a tantrum at the same time. But, we only have to spend a brief period of time in each phase. Then it is done.
- Same playdates. Tired of scheduling playtime for Junior on Wednesday afternoon and something for Senior on Wednesday morning. Sick of sucking up to boring parents just so all your kids have somebody to play with. We only need one playdate. One single kid can occupy our kids for the morning. Less gas money. Less dirty neighbor couches. Sweet it is.
I probably should not be disclosing all of this to you parents of singletons, but it is going to come out sooner or later. For real convenience, it does not get much better than twins.
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{ 38 comments… read them below or add one }
Reading your post made me even happier that I am pregnant with twins. Another advantage, you don’t have the older child or baby child syndrome.
I’m with you on #’s 7 and 8. #7-All I can think of when my almost-3-year-old is throwing a tantrum is, “Great, we start over with this in 19-months.” I guess there is one other thing I think mid-tantrum: with their older sister, 3yrs. was worse than 2yrs. I can’t remember why, just that it was. #8-Hard to find a playgroup that meets the needs of a 14 month old, 2 1/2 year old, and 5 year old. Oh yeah, and you’re right with the food thing, too. Okay, so you’re right on all accounts. Twins are easier!! Hmmmm….should have wished for twins, after all.
Ok I give. You win. Your life with twins is way easier than my life with four!
#5 is the one that gives me the most headaches. This is because my 1st and 2nd are 3 1/2 years apart. I think if they were closer it would be better.
Though you make good points, the thought of twins (especially in the first few years) gives me chills of terror!
I keep telling people this and they don’t always get it. You also forgot “mountains of diapers in all sizes and shapes.” At least with the T-man potty trained I only have one size to contend with now.
You do not sound like a mother of twins. Why would Burlington be suckers to offer twin discounts? Buying 2 cribs, 2 highchairs, 2 bouncie seats, 2 boppy pillows (becasue it is impossbiel to hold two infants at the same time and bottle feed), not to mention all the extra bottles, binkies, Onsies, diapers, wipes,etc. Thank God they offer a discount. My husband and I are broke! And also tired. When our infants were not on synchronized eating and sleeping schedules, it was nothing but 24 around the clock feeding & diaper changing without a break!! And I don’t want to forget when they are both sick with diareah at the same time. What a nightmare! We had to seel stuff on e-bay to pay for diapers. Then both babies were on the most expensive formula becasue they couldn’t tolerate regualr formula. How do you potty train two toddlers? So don’t act like you are a parent of twins.
Marie,
You busted me. You are correct. I am not the mother of twins…I’m their dad.
All the rest is true.
Sorry you are having such a rough time with it.
I forgot to mention…What do you do when you are home by yourself and both babies want to be held? God only gave us two arms. Please don’t compare it to having an infant and a toddler. A toddler can wait, an infant needs your undivided attention in the beginning.
I don’t want to sound like I have it the hardest because I have twins. But please don’t make it sound like having twins is a piece of cake. It is hard work. And with a husband that is away for work most of the time, it is really hard to take care of two babies.
Like the one time I decided I would go out with a friend of mine. My babies were only 4 months old. Just packing the bottles and formula and water and diapers was tiring. Then, having to feed them and change them by myslef without my friend’s help because she said she already did that with her kids, was a nightmare. She had the same attitiude that having twins to care for was easier than her having two kids 19 months apart. You can guess that I haven’t gone out again in a long time. I never go out alone with them. Also, having to chase them outside. One runs one way and the other runs another way. Who do you run after first? I can’t bath them at the same time becasue I can’t leave one in the tub while I carry the other one the bedroom.
If I had three children, I wouldn’t dare say to their parents that is must be easier than having 3 kids at different ages.
I am sure it will get easier as they get older and once they are potty trained. But right now, it is very challenging.
Maybe you could help me with some pointers on potty training. I am stressing over it already. Do I use two potties or the toilet with a little seat and have them use the step stool to get to it? Or do you think using a potty is easier? Do you train one and then the other or do you train them at the same time? Since I will be alone most of the time, I am worried that there will be a lot of accidents.
You are not a parent of twins, you are an idot for giving reasons that you do not have any clue about. you would be great at non-fiction articles
Steve,
You are not the first person to tell me that. Are you a parent of twins? If so, maybe you should read some more articles and maybe see if there is something that could help you out. If not, then why are you bugging me?
Wow. Steve’s a tool. And too much of an idiot to know how to spell “idiot.”
Your list is awesome and 100% accurate. Only downside to twins? Potty training two kids at the same time.
I am with you, Steve.
Wow Marie, I don’t think I’ve heard from you since sending you an email with some potty training tips back on 8/13/07.
How’s the potty training going?
Not too good. Since I am home alone most of the time, my kids want to use the toilet at the same time and they have pushed and pulled each other off the toilet. Some pretty bad fights over the toilet.I decided to have them use the toilet instead of a potty so I wouldn’t have to train them again to go from potty to toilet. And ever since I bought this new soft and cushioned potty seat with handles and a step, they both want to be on the toilet. But are jealous when the other is on the toilet. They are even jealous when one is sick and I have to give my attention. Oh, but I have some really funny stories to tell.
Another thing I feel bad about is that I didn’t get to bond with each baby 100%. I never had alone time with one or the other when they were infants. I am not speaking for everyone, but all of the women in this club in which I am a member of…Mothers of Twins & Triplets are with me on that and a lot of the other issues mentioned. Beagooddad, maybe you should speak at one of our meetings. Maybe you could help us with the issues we have and had to deal with having more than one infant at the same time. I’m sure the mothers of triplets & quads would love you. Also, I think you mentioned something about a book that you wrote. If I am correct, I would like to purchase it. Thanks for letting me vent.
No. There is no book. I’d actually have to proofread and edit.
One of the things that we found with both of our kids is that transitioning them to the little potties to the big toilet was virtually effortless compared to teaching them to go at all.
I would definitely try working with potties so they can both hang out on them at the same time. Once they get that under control, things will go better with the toilet because the amount of time on the toilet will be much shorter per visit since they will be heading there with a purpose.
I do understand the bonding issue. I should probably write a post about that some day when I have time to sit down and organize my thoughts.
Also, I don’t mind people venting and disagreeing with me, but for people to accuse me of not having twins (especially since there are pictures of them all over the blog) is kind of silly.
Good Dad–You make some good points, but I’m not totally buying the argument you’re making. Raising twins has been the single biggest challenge of my life and my husband’s. I love them dearly, but they are RELENTLESS. They CONSTANTLY demand something…(they’re two), and you’re right…they don’t typically melt down at the same time, just one right after the other, so it’s constant howling, screeching, whining.
Their first year is a hazy blur, but have you forgotten night time feedings with twins? NO ONE SLEEPS! One’s up, then the other’s up…even if you have them on a schedule.
Kim,
Since I wrote this post, we have had another baby. I’ll stick by my opinion that there are definitely ways that twins are easier than two kids of different ages. The completely different eating/sleeping/playing schedules and managing the different toys to keep the baby area safe, etc. are all tough.
I have definitely not forgotten night time feedings with the twins but I also have not forgotten night time feedings with the new baby and then needing to do things like make breakfast and hold conversations with the older kids the following morning
Hey parents of twins,
I am the mother of a 3 year-old, and new 8 week old twins. I pretty much agree with beagooddad. Especially if the twins are your second birth.
One question though: I am home alone most of the time, and both twins have acid reflux. Does anyone have pointers on what to do when both want to be held all day? I’m stumped. They’re both pretty big (about 9 and 11 lbs) and squirmy, so I can’t do one in each arm. Are there any contraptions out there to help?
i hope it works for nigerians the same way it worked for u over there. my fisrt borns are twins, 3months old now.
Yeah, I somehow think being at work all day for gooddad is a whole lot easier than what his wife is doing.
In stead of pointing fingers I think someone should give Lindy some help…..doesn’t someone have advise for her. she needs ideas….What is the name of the over the counter medicine that you can use for gas? They invented it since I needed it for my babies but my grandbabies used it.
I think what your looking for is called “Gripe Water”. A company called Woodwards produces it, although thier may be other brands. It started as relief for malaria in the 1800′s and has been used as a remedy for baby gas in europe for decades. It all natural stuff in it, like pepermint, and ginger.
But as with ALL remedies you are considering for a baby, make sure you consult your pediatrician before you use it.
Hey Kim,
Twin being easier, I’ve found to be realitve to the birth order and ages of previous children. At least when talking to other twin parents. The ones who have them first almost always have your same perspective, but if you rotate where the view is at it changes everything.
Our twins came when our son was 27 months. Though many of your reasons for it being easier, I agree, but other children make every other situation so much more complicated to meet the needs of little ones and babies. Just a thought. My mom had 9 children, singletons, and watching us said that though life was busy and crazy she never experienced the challenges we dealt with.
And for LINDY, I found acid reflux was related to food allergies, which we had treated with NAET, which resolved these problems. I just wish we discovered it sooner. Look at http://www.naet.com for information
Wow beagooddad, you have a lot of opinionated followers! Maybe they don’t realize that all children are different and perhaps raising their twins was more difficult for them then it was for you, I know my friends baby suffered from colic and wanted to held constantly, she thought she would go crazy and she only had 1! I agree with the point you make though, I enjoy having one bed time, bathtime routine and they stick to it pretty well at 9 months, they share toys and chocking hazards, and breast feed them at the same time and give them their solid foods at the same time out of the same bowl, I find it easier this way. As a mom of twin boys, who doesn’t work, and is with my babies almost 24/7, I think we have been pretty lucky raising two, pretty happy kids. Thanks for the article!
I have to say, my wife and I could not be more excited. We just found out we are having twins. I’m grinning just thinking about it. This is our first, and second, so I don’t really have any advice. I just wanted to say that it is so great reading your 8 reasons.
Sounds like the best advice is, be happy and enjoy life.
Thanks again, and good luck with the latest addition,
SoonToBeDadForTheFirstTime
I think there is definatley pro’s and con’s to each situation. Twins is darn hard work, especially if you don’t have help. In some ways children at different ages are easier is that you can spend individual time with them, twins mostly get treated like a “unit” you try your hardest to treat them like individuals but doing double the work for one task is enough to send anyone batty… I have twin girls and wouldn’t change it for the world, my sister-in-law is about to have her second child, lives with her mum and has a husband to help her ever whim and is ALWAYS telling me how hard her life is going to be and compares it to my life. People without twins need to get a life or should think long and hard about having another child because if you can’t handle it it’s not fair to put your negative crap onto another parent.
Life is hard for anyone with a new baby when if it’s your first, second, third or double wammie…
I think the issue is not really about multiples but what kind of baby(ies) you have. If you have an easy baby(ies) (see below for explanation) then parenting is challenging but not miserable.
EASY BABY: He does things like sleep through the night in a crib, plays in a playpen, plays with baby toys happily, watches little baby videos quietly, coos and giggles, eats baby food from a jar, actually stays SEATED in his highchair, etc. – fusses predictably, like from a cold or teething or diaper rash or when hungry.
However, having even ONE “difficult” (aka “high need”) baby is a HORSE OF A DIFFERENT COLOR. Let me tell you… one does not know the torture a baby can inflict on a parent until one has raised of these kinds of babies. You really don’t know until you live it.
I have two kids of different ages, and that’s why this article caught my eye. The LEGO threat is all too real! However, my first baby (my son, now 5) tortured me. He was as difficult as they come! My second (my daughter, now 1) is only half as bad, so I consider her easy. But I have lots of friends with TRUE “easy” babies, and they think my daughter is very “difficult,” including a friend of mine who has twins!
So I think it’s more about what kind of baby you have. The frustration expressed in some of these comments (Marie and Kim) is very valid, as it sounds like these women have more “difficult” babies than BeAGoodDad. Lets all pray that God shows them some mercy on mothers and fathers with high need babies.
In my religion, when a mother dies, she has an automatic ticket to Paradise. If this is true, I think Kim and Marie will probably fly first class. God bless all of you. Parenting is the toughest job in the world!
Wow, lots of opinions! beagooddad, it was nice to read some of the positives pointed out in raising twins. It is all too easy to think about all the negatives and stresses with twins, especially in the first year! My 8 month old twins boys are my first so I can’t compare with having any other children, although I will admit it was/is extremely hard!!
But while I’m not sure I’d actually say it is easier, I do enjoy being reminded of the positives of twins.
(BTW: I have one somewhat ‘easy’ baby & one ‘DIFFICULT’ baby)
I am 20 weeks pregnant with twins ( boy and girl) and I also have a 7 yo daughter and a 9 yo son. I think you are right. I can see that in some ways having twins will be easier. I am not looknig forward to the sleepless nights but I can’t wait for the smiles and having two rolly polly babies in the house.
Nicole, Congrats on the twins. There are few things neater than watching twin toddlers storming the house.
Well, as I jump into this mix only 2 years late…. Sorry. I just stumbled on this post.
My first reaction was to say… What?! Did I write a blog I don’t remember doing? (I’m not joking!) Ask anyone that knows me and I’ve made this statement of twins being easier than 2 of different ages. Anyone want to debate my knowledge of the situation? I’m a single dad that has been raising my twin girls – on my own-, since they were 3 months old. They are now in 1st grade and WE are doing great.
This statement is spot-on. 2 parents or single parent, 2 kids in different phases- my hats off to you! I always said, the twins are more like 1.5 kids. Not a single child, but more of a production line approach. Built in play-mates, and all the other items listed here. ( are you sure you didn’t hear me say it somewhere and just write it for me?……)
Well that’s my 2 cents on the matter, and let me tell you, twins are awesome!
I’m a dad of 4-y-o twin boys and my experience has been great. I was a stay-at-home dad for the first year (and then off and on between consulting gigs) so please don’t assume that I’m at work all day and then coming home wondering what all the fuss is about. I’ve been there in the trenches with these boys from day one; no mother-in-laws or any of that stuff, just my wife and I, and later a nanny we hired to watch them during the day when I had a job.
It’s been ‘easy’ for all reasons listed by the original article. It’s been hard for all the reasons mentioned by subsequent posters.
Relentless? You have to be more relentless than they are. Train (force?) them to sleep on their own asap. Synchronize feedings from day one. Breast-feed as best you can but don’t worry if it’s too much, and ignore the die-hards who tell you not to supplement. Discipline them relentlessly when they fight or throw fits. If you raise your voice, they have to know from experience that you mean what you say. They can argue with each other to a point, but the moment one hits the other, they hear about it in no uncertain terms and action is taken.
“Yeah, but they just ignore me…” Hard truth: discipline must be unpleasant for them in order to be effective.
Bonding? Bonding will happen! Bonding will happen as they learn that YOU are the one making all the big decisions in their life and not them. YOU are training them to make good decisions later on. Bonding is much more than just cuddling. However, do try and spell each other (your spouse and you) so that each child gets his own ‘Mommy time’ for a while. But don’t stress too much over this, or the guilt will just drive you to make concessions to their endless demands which will only hurt all of you in the long run.
In a safe environment, let them learn and figure out things for themselves. Bumps and bruises will happen, children will cry, but they get over it a lot faster if you’re not always there crying along with them.
Potty training: Once they find it fun, they train themselves. I got my boys to pee in a large plastic cup which they found hilarious. This led them to want to do it more which increased their awareness of their own need to go. And NO FIGHTING in the bathroom. If they can ‘go’ together peaceably, fine, but if one goes in to do his business and the other follows and makes trouble, DISCIPLINE is in order! They must learn to respect that space, and the ONLY way they will learn that is if YOU teach them.
By ‘you’ I mean both members of the team; husband and wife or whatever. You have to communicate with each other as to who does what and when. Making money and paying the rent is work, btw, and part of raising a family, so don’t be too quick to discount the efforts of the breadwinner.
I’ve blabbed enough. Take Care!
One last thing. To raise multiples, you must erase the word ‘fair’ from your vocabulary. Chasing the illusion of fairness will only drive you insane. Do what you feel must be done in the moment and get on with it. They’ll survive just fine, which is a lot more than can be said for a lot of children in this world.
I agree with everything beagooddad has written! I am a single Mum of 2 beautiful identical twin girls. My girls were born 10 weeks early and spent the first 2 months of their lives in hospital. They are now 8 months old and are such a joy and blessing. I have a routine that I maintain consistently and they are on the same schedule. They sleep from around 6.30pm through to 7 the next morning, they eat at the same time, play at the same time, nap at the same time. I spend quality time with them every day reading stories, singing songs, playing games, and rocking them to sleep. The costs involved of raising twins are HUGE and yes, there are sleepless nights involved and you get so tired. But at the end of the day, I look back and realise that they are little miracles! They had to fight to survive and I thank God for every cent I have to spend, every sleepless night and every grizzle, because I know how hard it has been for them to get where they are today!
skipkent…spot on. I am the mother of 10 month old twin boys and agree with everything you have said. I also took note of things to come that we have to look forward to.
Thanks!
It’s funny – I agree with everything beagooddad says here but I still don’t think twins is easier than two at a time. At least not in that first year. Like he points out, there are A LOT of pluses to having two at a time (as my friend says, its like baking a lasagna – if you’re doing one, you might as well do two!) but sometimes the problems that I face are solely because I am outnumbered by two little people who cannot talk or do much else for themselves – problems I’m fairly certain I wouldn’t face if they were 18-24 months (or more) apart. I feel so bad about all the times I have to ignore one to attend the other and its a hard choice because they both have similar needs. So, their are the minuses to having two at a time as well and when all is said and done, I think it might be a wash. Not ready to say having twins is easier, for sure. Sorry!
Baby #3 is on the way so we will see how this compares. Keeping my fingers crossed that it is easier!!
Hi Dad of twins,
You are right about nrs. 1 -6 and very wrong about 7 and 8 when your chilren get older, I found out. My twins are 6 years of age, two boys.
7. Same phase means that they allways have their greatest fan close to them and are certain of applaus when they do something ‘ very funny’ , ‘very naughty’ etc. Mommy’s not amused ? So what ?? My brother is !!! They are very cunning at ganging up against their parents !
8. Same playdates ? Yes and no, many children (and parents !) are very much intimidated by two boys that look the same, sound the same and produce a lot of motion and noise (since they’re boys). To confusing.
Good luck to you, Judith
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