Sexual Temptations
Post written by: beagooddad
We decided to try out a new church closer to home yesterday. For the record, I only go to churches at all because practicing the large group/small group interactions in a classroom type setting is great practice for Pookie. I mention that because it might be good context for my reaction to what happened.
We dropped the kids off in the uber-protective classes (even Giggles gets to go to church school) and headed for the main auditorium. I had brought a notebook so I could make a few random lists of chores and thoughts to pass the time. But then the pastor announced they were starting a 4 week theme of improving marriages. I figured it might be slightly offensive to BeAGoodMom if I was doodling pictures while I could be learning about how to be a better husband so I left the notebook in my backpack.
We first learned that we are all sinners from the second we are born. Evidence was presented in the form of a YouTube video of a toddler biting his brother’s finger and then cracking up about it. Seriously.
Then we got to hear about how bad pornography, homosexuality, and orgies are for a marriage. And here I thought churches were becoming more mainstream. Fuddy duddies.
Then the pastor started talking about ways that he removes the temptations for sexuality. He doesn’t watch rated R movies because he might see a booby which could get him to start thinking about boobies of women that don’t belong to his wife. He goes to a gym with less features because they have a more inclusive dress code policy because seeing those barely covered sweaty woman will make him think of other women besides his wife all sweaty.
And he even goes out of his way not to have one-on-one lunches with a woman because eating a hamburger and fries will make him start to think of having hamburger and fries of another….well, I didn’t really even understand that one.
So I’d like to open up the comments. What do you think about coed lunches? Do you get worried when your spouse goes out with a member of the opposite sex for a business lunch or to catch up with an old friend?
May 19th, 2008 at 9:50 am
That’s a lot of information to have retained without the use of your pen and notebook. It’s not difficult to understand the continuing exodus of people of faith from organized religion. You’re lucky though. Pastors or elders of the churches used to go out of their way to have personal time with newcomers. Now that would have been noteworthy. No, I don’t get upset if mom interacts with the opposite sex even though she loves a good cheeseburger:)
May 19th, 2008 at 10:14 am
When my parents got married my father made the commitment to NEVER be seen in pubic along with another woman - not because of the fear of temptation, but the possible APPEARANCE of impropriety to other people. His steadfastness in this commitment almost got him fired from a job many years ago. He was asked to take a business trip with a co-worker who was a single woman. He approached the woman and invited her to bring her boyfriend along on the trip so that she’d have someone to hang out with during the non-business related time. The woman welcomed the opportunity and had her boyfriend buy a plane ticket. When the Boss (a woman) found out about this, she called my dad into her office and laid into him about it. He explained his reasoning for having the woman bring her boyfriend, and the boss went BALLISTIC and told him he was ridiculously behind the times to have made that kind of commitment to his wife AND threatened to fire him. He calmly explained that she could fire him, but he’d then sue the company for wrongful termination.
He has continued to live up to that commitment and has never been alone with another woman for any reason. I find it admirable.
And he quit that job a few months later and went on to a better one where they respected his desire to maintain the commitment he made to my mom.
As for ME, my husband and I are reasonably okay about co-ed activities.
May 19th, 2008 at 10:52 am
Jaynee, that is an interesting story about your dad. Just out of curiosity, did he offer to take your mom instead of or in addition to the lady bringing her boyfriend?
May 19th, 2008 at 12:06 pm
It seems to me (in my humble opinion) that the pastor had little faith in his own ability not to act on temptation. People are flawed. All people. The good ones don’t act on temptations that life places in front of them.
May 19th, 2008 at 9:43 pm
@Chris Nixon
€œNone is righteous, no, not one.” Romans 3:10
Of course, many reject the Bible as a source, but we are responding to a church experience.
@beagooddad
I would say that your church experience is unique. Not knowing the denomination of the church, limits my ability to judge the value of the content. What doctrinal stance the church has taken would clarify for me how to interpret your experience.
With all that said, how a committed follower of Christ responds to a message on marriage, the value of it, and the importance it plays in our culture is quite different than how an casual church attender or even an unbeliever.
What I mean is that you and I and a genuine pagan would have most likely responded quite differently to the message, given that it was actually rooted in the Word of God.
May 19th, 2008 at 11:12 pm
I’ll leave the religion stuff to those who can quote scripture.
As for the alone with the opposite sex thing… I have to do that from time to time and never stopped to think that it was improper until you just asked about it. I guess if you’re not thinking of that in the first place, there really isn’t a reason to make a big deal about it.
I trust my wife implicitly so I’d have to worries.
May 20th, 2008 at 3:48 am
Lovely sermon, vicar!
Yes, well, apart from the religious element, I do think you’ve hit upon something interesting here. For the first none months of my son’s life, my wife was at home full-time while I stayed at work. She (or rather they) got involved in several baby groups and made quite a few friends of among the other Mums, some of whom quickly became good enough friends to meet up independently of the groups, go out for coffee together and the like.
In January she went back to work two days a week and I went part-time to stay at home on her working days. Now I’ve gotten involved in a couple of groups, and I love it. But it soon occurred to me that the making of friendships was simply unlikely to happen in the same way for me. I’m almost always the only dad, and much as I’m able to get fully involved in all the chat and banter over coffee in the group setting, it just would seem right to be exchanging phone numbers and meeting up beyond that.
Why? Not entirely sure. I think it’s more to do with how it would appear to others (to which I could say, “stuff ‘em”) than resisting temptation.
(Hmmm. I might have to adapt this comment to become a post on our own blog…)
May 22nd, 2008 at 11:52 am
I could not care less if my fiance had lunch with a female. Some of my best friends are male…so why should I care if he has lunch with someone? To me, it seems as if this pastor does not trust himself…why else would it be so bad to think about GASP, another lady’s boob? Thinking about something and acting on something are two completely different things. Reading about this makes me glad that I belong to my liberal Episcopalian church!
May 23rd, 2008 at 6:59 pm
Each church does its best to interpret the Bible and apply the document to real life. IMO, some get closer than others, but that’s another story. One thing that I think the Pastor missed is that all people are flawed, but that does not mean that God wants or the Bible tells you to remove all temptation in life. Actually, being in the face of temptation and resisting is more of a positive thing than avoiding all situations of temptation. Anyway, broken down to a more basic level– being committed to your spouse– is the root of any great marriage, and it seems to me (all the other crap aside) that might be what he was trying to get across?
(In the interest of full disclosure, I attend a Christian Church– Disciples of Christ. By far one of the most liberal churches I have ever been exposed to.)
May 24th, 2008 at 10:14 pm
CO-ED LUNCHES?!!?
Wait a moment while I adjust my tie and hat. That actually knocked my slippers off.
Who would ever be so uncouth as to have lunch with someone that they are not married to?
*end of sarcastic rant*
He is absolutely projecting his own insecurities on his “flock.” There are just so many things that are wrong with what you say happened in the church. I am willing to be that he would consider your IVF children “abominations” as well. After all you used science to do God’s work.
And as for the “we are all sinners from the moment we are born.” He used a video of a toddler as an example? That is such a poor example of “moment we are born” that I have ever heard. I know that my twin girls who are 10 weeks old are not sinners. The very thought of someone thinking that turns my stomach. That is why I do not attend church anymore. To claim that a baby is a sinner? I always thought that that was a horrible way to greet new life on this planet.